Lust or Like

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Dear Hoopers,
There’s this guy in my college that I really like. We have two classes together and we started talking. He is gorgeous and at times I wonder if it’s just merely lust we both share. Anyways I started the conversation with no intention of me dating him. He seems like the jock type (even though we are in college) he’s nicely built and good looking. I just assumed he had a girlfriend. Through our conversations I found out he didn’t and he grew on me. He said we should hang out and we did. He didn’t know where he wanted to go or when. So I picked all of it. We grabbed coffee (which he paid for) and talked. He told me several times that he was nervous and I being the same way didn’t know how to comfort him. After the date I thought I blew it. But he texted me and continued for a while. We stopped texting but continued to talk in class. He offered to hang out recently but we can never find a day that works. He is great to talk to in person but a terrible texter. Even though he responds within five or so minutes it’s boring to text him. We haven’t passed the touch barrier just because I’m too nervous to do so. I’ve never had a boyfriend. I feel like I’m chasing him…is he shy and nervous or playing me? Does he like me? Or am I making things up!
-Lust or Like

Dear Lust or Like,
It sounds like there is definite chemistry between the two of you, but some difficulty in communication. Is he playing you? From the way you are describing him, I don’t get that impression. However, it does seem like he’s timid to initiate asking you out. You have had a good time together and continued communicating after and he responds promptly.

If there was no interest, he wouldn’t have hung out with you or continued communicating. He admitted that he was nervous and mutually you described yourself sharing those same feelings. If you want to give this a shot and get to know him better, you both must find the time to make it work. You observed through the first date that he wasn’t the best planner, as you coordinated the time spent together.

Maybe he’s looking for you to take the lead again. Are you cool with that? If so, find an event happening on campus, or a fun activity and ask if he would like to join you. See how the next time hanging out goes and if you want to pursue this more. Keep in mind that chemistry doesn’t mean compatability. If it seems that you can never nail down a time to hang out and the communication continues to fizzle, give it a rest. Or maybe you’ll be pleasantly surprised by a budding romance.

Dear Lust or Like,
He doesn’t sound like a player. Unless he has some brilliant tactic of saying he’s nervous when he secretly doesn’t care, I think he was genuinely nervous. If he was nervous on your date he probably likes you and is interested in seeing where this relationship goes. That doesn’t mean that you two will have chemistry but it does mean that you should see where this goes. I wouldn’t worry about his texting ineptitude. Being a good texter is a talent in and of itself. Talking IRL is the most important and it sounds like he’s pretty good at that.

Don’t worry about this feeling that you are chasing him. It is pretty normal for one person to be more pursuant early on in the relationship and it doesn’t have to be the guy. If this is meant to be, the pursuing should even out along the way. If you still feel like he isn’t doing his part to pursue you after a few more dates, kick him to the curb. Gorgeous or not, you can’t drag someone through a relationship.
-Dr. Ryan