Why Don’t Boys Like Me

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Dear Hoopers,
I am 18 years old and have never had a boyfriend. I always get compliments from family friends that I am a pretty girl, even though I don’t think I particularly am. I have messaged boys before but it doesn’t tend to last very long. I have recently been texting a boy who I think is the first person I have ever actually liked. Unfortunately he took ages to reply and would always drop out of commitments we would make. He recently had not replied to my last text which has made me feel really depressed and low as I do not understand why a boy I like never lasts. He seemed interested and asked to do things and would message me early in the morning when he was on a night out which would make me think that he must be thinking of me. I have had some attention from boys, but never boys I am interested in. The boy I had been texting I really liked and was sad that it had not developed into anything else. He even said himself that he would want to do something with me, but never followed up with this idea.

I just don’t know why boys I like don’t seem interested in me. I like to think I am a nice funny person and confused to why a boy would not like me. I don’t know whether I am doing anything wrong or coming across as too keen. I would not normally seek advice online, as I would normally get it from my mom or friends who both seem to have the same opinion of this boy that I had been texting that I should leave it, but I have never felt like this about a boy before. But then again he is older than me (20) and a bit of a player. Should I stop texting him or do I pursue someone I actually really like, or will I just get hurt like people keep telling me? I am not a stupid girl and I know what boys like this can do but I honestly had feelings for this boy and can’t stop thinking about him.
-Why Don’t Boys Like Me

Dear Why Don’t Boys,
You aren’t a stupid girl. You are smart, young and intrigued by a boy. It sounds like 18 to me! And it’s okay to have never had a boyfriend. It means you aren’t settling. As you stated, other boys have taken an interest in you and you haven’t felt reciprocal interest.

However, whether you are interested in a boy or not, they should treat you with respect. If this boy is backing out of commitments and taking ages to respond to your messages, then you should question his interest. This behavior indicates that he values time spent doing other things rather than getting to know you. Red flag. Sure, he’s implied that he wants to hang out, but these words haven’t proven themselves redemptive and only left you disappointed.

Liking someone who doesn’t reciprocate your feelings is a familiar topic to the majority of humanity. You are not alone. Thankfully we are not defined by who we like. This boy may come around and follow through on his action, but I think your mom and friends are right on this one; he seems like he may leave you with a broken heart, or at least keep stringing you along. How long will you let this go on?

Liking someone who doesn’t reciprocate your feelings is a familiar topic to the majority of humanity.


You have control over the situation so if continuing to pursue him is going to make you happy, then see what comes of it. But, I would set a timeframe to hold yourself and emotions accountable to the possibility of this boy not working out. Will that be in a month? Will that be the next time he cancels last minute? Trust your gut. If you aren’t getting good feelings from the situation then cut him out. Realize that there are plenty of people who like you. One person who isn’t clicking doesn’t define your self worth.

Dear Why Don’t Boys,
The world is your oyster. You are at an interesting time in the dating world when you are leaving high school and heading into the world. I’m not sure if you are planning to go to college or are looking to start a career, but your life will start changing soon. Don’t waste your time on someone that isn’t interested in you. Don’t waste your time on someone who isn’t showing their interest by following through on their commitments to spend time with you. There are plenty of fish in the sea and boys who don’t respond back are the wrong kind of fish.

If he is a player then he is likely only out for himself, playing several women at the same time to see how he can best benefit. It will certainly take you a few relationships to develop a radar for the guys to leave by the wayside and the guys that are worth your time. Don’t fall into the trap of this guy right now and instead open yourself up to focusing on what else may be on the horizon for you.

There are plenty of fish in the sea and boys who don’t respond back are the wrong kind of fish.

-Dr. Ryan

Maybe that means looking for other guys who may be a better fit for you or focusing on school or work. Dating relationships are important but certainly not the only important thing. Be confident in yourself and know that when the time is right for you to find the right guy, it will happen.
-Dr. Ryan