Cosigned Alone

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Dear Hoopers,
I thought I was getting a new apartment with my boyfriend one minute and next thing I know my boyfriend all of a sudden wants to break up with me and I’m living alone. We had been dating for almost a year and living together in his apartment for 2 months. With the end of his lease coming up, we discussed moving into a bigger place together. We found a fantastic apartment that was definitely bigger and more expensive than the place we were in, but we were both excited about it. He agreed to pay half the rent and co-signed the lease with me.

However, 4 weeks later when we could begin moving into the new place, he began acting differently. He helped me move my belongings into the apartment but said that he wanted to wait on moving his things until his lease finished a week later. One thing led to another and days later he explained to me that he didn’t want to move into our new place at all. He said that he just didn’t feel right about it and that he wanted to take a break to figure things out. Now I’m stuck in an apartment that I can’t afford and without my boyfriend of a year. I’m confused about what I should do next. Please help.
-Cosigned Alone

Dear Cosigned Alone,
You signed up for one thing and got another. You expected an amazing new apartment accompanied by your man and then everything changed. This is definitely a peculiar change of events. To say that there was a lack of open communication here is quite an understatement. When I hear your story, I feel like I’m watching a magician pull out the tablecloth. The items are all still sitting on the table but it’s confusing. You’re not quite sure how it happened but you need to decide what to do next.

First, practically. Do you have any recourse to obtain rent from your ex boyfriend? I’m not sure about the laws in your state but it could be worth looking into. I would threaten him that he can be an asshole and leave the relationship unexpectedly but he can’t leave behind his legal commitment to the lease.

Given that this apartment is too expensive for you alone, I would consider a roommate. It could help break up the loneliness and the quiet of your new apartment and could certainly help with the rent. I think it would be reasonable for you to ask your ex-boyfriend to pay his share of the rent until you are able to find a new roommate. If he refuses to do his part, know that you likely have the legal recourse to sue him but ultimately may not be worth your time and energy. The sooner and easier you can move on from this, probably the better.


…just remember to look back on this situation and smile, knowing that you got the better end of the deal in the long run.

-Dr. Ryan

Second, emotionally. It seems like there is a part of the story here that we just don’t have. Maybe there is more that you haven’t mentioned or you just don’t have all the information yourself. Perhaps, he all of a sudden found another relationship. Perhaps, he all of a sudden got cold feet about the commitment.

Either way, it is his loss. Remind yourself that if he was going to leave in this way, it is better that it happened now rather than later. When you find yourself in a committed and satisfied relationship in the future, just remember to look back on this situation and smile, knowing that you got the better end of the deal in the long run.
-Dr. Ryan

Dear Cosigned Alone,
Confusing indeed! What an irresponsible and disappointing move on his part. Moving into a new place under the assumption that you are moving in with someone you hope to make a home with, can be very exciting. I can only imagine the feelings you are having right now. I am really sorry.


As crappy as the whole thing is, it’s also horrible that you now feel strapped for cash. Legally, when your boyfriend cosigned he assumed half of the responsibility of your monthly rent. He is tied to paying that and it’s definitely something he should have considered before signing. This financial burden is one you do not have to bear yourself. He may need to take time to think on things, but rent is still due first of the month, feelings aside.


He is tied to paying that and it’s definitely something he should have considered before signing.

-Kate

If you still see this relationship as something you want to work on, then I would honestly address the distrust and hurt that this situation caused. If he wants to be completely out of the relationship, he isn’t out of the lease. A contract is a contract and as a cosigner, he is locked in.

On the plus side, you have a larger space to process through this. Maybe it would be good to get a roommate, or live by yourself for some time. Either way, it’s not the situation you had envisioned walking into, and I am sorry for the redirection. I hope you can take this time to consider what you want, while he is paying half of the rent.
-Kate

my boyfriend all of a sudden wants to break up quote